I didn’t win! But I learned…

… that I’m fine the way I am, and that my favorite girls, Dana and Runa, were ROBBED of the title. D:

The girl who won is in the middle:

Miss NY USA 2010 in the white dress, forget her name.

My roommate Dana is on the right, she placed in the top five.

More coherent thoughts later on the whole experience.

My scary pageant face

So it’s about an hour until I have to leave, and I’m slathered in spray tan makeup all over my body. I’m wearing so much makeup I’m afraid my skin will never recover. My false eyelashes are coated in black mascara goo. My hair is teased within an inch of its life.

Beauty is so, so ugly.

Final show for Miss NY USA 2010 in three hours

… wish me luck!

They’ll be announcing the top 20, who will walk again in their evening gowns. After that, it’ll be narrowed to the top ten, who switch into their swimsuits in a frenzy of nakedness and boob-adjustment. Then the lucky top five will be announced – and they’ll quick change again into evening gown and answer really easy questions off their bio sheets.

I’m currently 1) groggy. And uh, 2) groggy.

The girl right after me is a super sweet model who’s done an internship at NASA, so I hope she or my roommate wins… but we’ll see! Going to do some extra crunches beforehand for muscle definition just in case, haha.

I think three days of pageantry is definitely enough for me.

Behind the scenes at Miss New York USA, Day 2

Welcome to another day of hair teasing, fake eyelashing, and uh, sitting around.

A lot of being in a pageant involves two activites

1. Getting “ready”

• This takes at least two hours and 20 products and half a can of hairspray. Essential to the process is the tease-and-curl (not some crunk dance move) of backcombing strips of hair to create that 80′s mall diva allure. I failed at this for evening gown.

1. Waiting

• You watch other contestants stomp/sashay/stumble down the carpeted runway whilst the MC herds you along like the incompetent 14 year olds you are. Sometimes this is punctuated with “spontaneous” Zumba lessons, which are CLEARLY scheduled in.

Yes kids, I eventually got up and shook my butt as well. I’m no pageant killjoy. I dance backstage before we get on as well… this was particularly true yesterday as we waiting in our bikinis and 6 inch heels to parade about like a particularly well-padded dog show.

The closing number included a former Miss Connecticut singing “Turn the Beat Around” while we all clapped and tried not to fall over in our interview suits.

Speaking of the interview, it reminded me a lot of my speed dating experience, except it was speedier. We got two minutes with each judge. At least ten seconds was spent walking over and waiting for them to find out bio sheet. I accidentally frightened one by impatiently achievement-dumping him upon waiting for him to lcoate the bio sheet.

Me: SO LET ME GIVE YOU THE SHORT VERSION I’M A JUNIOR AT HARVARD AND I’VE WRITTEN INTERNATIONALLY FOR PUBLICATIONS AND I HELPED FOUND AN NGO —

Him: Ok. take a deep breath.

Me: Ok.

Him: What do you do for fun?

Me: I like to eat out. I ate bull testicles! And calves brains! There was a video!!!

I’m not sure how that went.

I chilled out after that and fared much better. Sometime I got annoyed that a judge used our precious 30 seconds to talk about themselves… because there was so little time that there was almost no time to even give my “I’m awesome!!” elevator pitch.

(And by awesome, I mean dropping the H-Bomb shamelessly. I may not have the biggest hair, or uh, biggest other parts, but my education is really old, pretentious, and expensive!)

The evening gown preliminaries went off fine, except some GIRL stepped on my dressed and ripped a piece of the bottom. It was sewn up by a chaperone, thank god.

The key with evening gown is to walk very slowly and evenly, as if you’re floating, and to radiate happiness and good will at the judges while keeping excellent posture.

I find out tomorrow during the final pageant whether I made it into the top 20 (possible!) or not. If I do, I’ll compete in evening gown and swimsuit again. If I make it into the top five (doubtful!), I’d have to answer an on stage question taken from my bio sheet.

Dear blog readers, wish me luck on my journey towards breaking racial barriers. I’m just a humble Chinese- American girl chasing this red white and blue dream. I’m an immigrant in a country built by immigrants. Boys barked at me in middle school – and it’s haunted me ever since.

You know, it’s funny that it’s taken something as shallow and somewhat dehumanizing as a beauty pageant to realize that I have many other excellent qualities other than my physical appearance or ability to speed date a judge. Like my ability to purchase stylish evening wear for only $45! Second Time Around on Boston’s Newbury St., baby.

Check it outtt.

Me and Dana, my fabulous roommate, last year's 2rd runner up!

I think I made a styling error in going for an updated retro chic feel with the red lips and hair – makeup and hair in pageantry follow a pretty exacting formula of soft mauve lip and smokey brown or purple-black eye.

Miss New York USA Day 1: Swimsuit Preliminary

I have been declared cattle contestant 247 in the Miss New York USA 2010 pageant.

In all honesty, day 1 has been fun in the most wholesome of ways: all the girls (including myself) help each other behind the scenes. We cheer each other on. We compliment each other’s swimsuits. We paint on obscene amounts of bronzer. We all have stretch marks, cellulite, big butts, flat hair, and ungainly heels  – and this makes everything ok. For some reason, I was expecting a room of Barbies, and there are a few Barbie-beautiful girls (who will win this pageant), but the majority of us are just you know, normal girls.

There are definitely varying levels of pageantry experience – a former Miss New York Teen USA is competing for the Miss title, while another girl didn’t bother to go tanning or buy a trendy swimsuit or make her hair enormous. I am satisfied that I’m somewhat prepared for this whole shebang.

My beautiful roommate was last year’s 2rd runner up. We collapsed and munched on popcorn and pretzels after the swimsuit preliminary competition and watched The Sweetest Thing on TV.

This is all so happy and wholesome it is slightly ridiculous. If only Harvard were like, a giant slumber party with girls in bikinis and stripper heels. You know?

The schedule for tomorrow: interview (supposed to be really relaxed) around 10, lunch, evening gown rehearsal, then evening gown preliminary at 9pm. The actual pageant, and the announcement of the top 25, will be on Sunday.

Wish me luck guys! Here are some pics:

This is the only time in my life it seems totally appropriate to put up a photo of myself in a swimsuit… rest assured this never happens otherwise.