I’d never eaten at P.F. Chang’s before, and I never thought I would. There’s no restaurant quite so antithetical to exactly what I look for in a Chinese dining experience – there’s a focus on nice lighting, comfortable seats, familiar, English-competent servers, and Western flourishes like red velvet cake and coffee service at the end of the meal. So, I’m here to tell you that you should skip the coffee (watery, with coffee grounds) and don’t expect spice in your chicken or transcendence in your chocolate cake, but this place is pretty much as advertised. It’s comforting. The food, if you pick and choose correctly, can be fine, if not “authentic”. Which is itself a loaded term.

I was there for an event to launch the chain’s new VINEYARD 518 label, and got a chance to taste the Sauvignon Blanc as well as the Syrah blend. I’m not a wine expert, but I found both pleasant and very drinkable, as did the wine writer, Richard Auffrey, at the table, who deemed it a good value for the price ($7.50 a glass). Interestingly, the wine is packaged in a recyclable cardboard container in the interest of eco-friendliness. (Although deeply less romantic.)

P.F. Chang’s doesn’t really hew to a standard of authenticity. Their PR materials call the cuisine “Chinese-inspired” which is fair enough. Our table sampled the chicken lettuce wraps (fine, once sauced) and orange peel chicken (also fine), then a “VIP Duck”. The VIP duck was clearly playing with the classic Peking Duck dish by including some griddled pancakes (much crispier than usual) and desiccated shredded scallions, as well as cucumber slices. It was short on moistness and flavor; a damn shame when a Chinese duck done right is orgasmic. But on the plus side, Richard’s recommendation of their Northern Style Spareribs was a good one.

(I apologize for the substandard photos. I was using a friend’s camera and had no idea how to adjust it.)

orange peel chicken

I was curious what their kung pao chicken dish would taste like, especially after attempting Fuchsia Dunlop’s recipe three times (to three very different results). It was over salted and not spicy at all, despite having a spicy icon on the menu. We diagnosed the issue as a technique error – the cook hadn’t put the chiles in the oil first to season it. I obviously didn’t expect the to include the numbing-hot heat of Sichuan peppercorns… but would have liked at least a tingle.

Mongolian beef was decent – plenty of green scallions, juicy chunks of beef, and great with white rice. Shrimp dumplings were surprisingly good, although a little dried out on the edges.

Yes, this is all fake demo food.

I think the highlight of the meal had to be the dessert cart. It was filled with luscious fake desserts molded out of plastic. The waiter lovingly held and described each one: cake flavors in shot glasses, a “great wall” of chocolate cake, a mound of coconut-pineapple ice cream ringed with crispy banana spring rolls. All hugely un-Chinese, but hey, who cares! Chinese desserts are widely acknowledged to, well, suck. So here’s a happy example where inauthenticity bodes well.

The cakes in shot glasses were a mixed bag – nothing really rose above supermarket bakery quality, although even a mediocre chocolate cake with frosting is a tasty chocolate cake. The banana spring rolls were my favorite – a nice combination of sweet, crispy, and creamy, although the overwhelming coconut flavor of the ice cream did not win me over. You might want to get your coffee (another example of American hospitality) elsewhere, since it’s a watery brew with grounds at the bottom.

So what to say: this is unchallenging stuff, but if you’re looking for unchallenging Chinese food, there are some tasty dishes to be found. And there are definitely pluses to eating here, rather than some noodle bar dive – I found myself lured into a warm, wine-filled glow sitting in their plush booths with servers that actually smiled at you. I understand perfectly that dining is as much about the experience as it is about the food. If you throw in a glass of their wine – with plenty of citrusy notes to go with dishes like crowd-pleasers like orange peel chicken – you won’t leave hungry.

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4. Myers + Chang in Boston – Dim Sum Review
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