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Food

The Foie Gras Diet, or, 7 Rules for Food Enthusiasts

One day, I hope to look this good.

Here’s one eater’s guidelines to making sure that you look as good as the food you are eating. Also, I don’t follow these all of the time. I mindlessly eat Cheetos like the best of them. Just, hopefully, less often.

If you have suggestions, feel free to add them in the comments. I tried to keep this list of insights lean. Har.

1) If someone hands you foie gras, eat it.

Never feel guilty about eating free foie gras. If someone treats you to an amazing meal, you have a duty to enjoy every last crumb – clear your mind, clean your plate, savor every calorie-rich mouthful. You will never live a full life you don’t occasionally eat some really fattening food.

2) Don’t eat bad bread.

Don’t eat cold, limp french fries. Don’t eat twenty Snickers bars. (Diminishing marginal returns on deliciousness.) If you’re eating what’s been deemed as Boston’s best donut ever, relish it. But the ill-catered leftovers from some forgettable event won’t edify you. Calories should be maximized for pleasure – sometimes, education. And if you go on a donut tour one day, eat salad the next.

3) Hot sauce can fix a lot of things.

A squirt of sriracha (or your favorite condiment that is not mayo) can act as a food bandaid for many healthful dishes. Like egg whites, with hot sauce. Stir fried veggies, with hot sauce. Soup, with hot sauce. You get the idea. Plus spicy stuff is rumored to give your metabolism a bit of a kick. And if you put in obscene amounts, it slows down how fast you can eat your food between anguished bites.

4) Fill up on water. (And try to keep booze to a minimum. Or something else.)

The first is self-explanatory. As for the second, see the next point.

I’ve never had a taste for alcohol. After drinking my first legal Tsing Tao beer (alcohol content: really low), my dad commented, “You look like a crab.” As in, bright red. Therefore, in the months leading up to Miss New York USA 2010, I pretty much cut out all alcohol consumption. And I really like soy milk, so dairy went out too. No big deal. Figure out what you’re willing to compromise on.

5) Shapewear is your friend.

My favorite item in my closet is a hyper-tight skirt with sleek, wide waistband that holds everything in and makes my skimpier dresses fit better. It also doubles as a really, really sexy skirt. But you don’t need to be overweight to benefit from the joys of shapewear, is all I’m saying. Bridget Jones had the right idea.

6) Your appearance [almost] entirely constructed.

This is a huge point, and really deserves a lengthy blog post/book. The reason why makeover shows work so well is because people don’t know how to style themselves.

What a lot of people don’t grasp is that appearance is a constructed thing – it’s a series of skill sets and resources. Celeb handlers know this. Beauty queens know this. That’s why I saw so many girls with clip on hair, bronzer, and padding. To some people, that means it’s “fake.” If you’re smart, you can use this to your advantage. (Or not – it’s a personal choice.) There’s no shame in being good at applying your makeup.

Dressing yourself comes down to one thing: knowing what looks good on you. Then knock ’em dead.

7) And yeah… exercise.

It’s a great way to catch up on your favorite reality TV.

Discussion

8 Responses to “The Foie Gras Diet, or, 7 Rules for Food Enthusiasts”

  1. #2… Strongly disagree, there’s no diminishing return on Snickers bars. Or ice cream.

    Posted by Nicholas | January 14, 2010, 7:36 pm
  2. Ask my friends, they’ve seen me eat 20+ candy bars in one night with the biggest grin on my face. I will gladly take 5 Snickers though!

    Posted by Nicholas | January 14, 2010, 10:31 pm
  3. 1) You won’t see me turn down some free foie.
    2) A snickers a day keeps the doctor away is in fact an urban legend. Can’t eat snickers bars any more.
    3) Sriracha IS the spice of life. It’s my fav condiment.
    5) One word – SPANX.

    Cheers from a fellow Bostonian.

    Posted by Scott | January 25, 2010, 11:56 pm
    • Dude, manSPANX. Brilliant business idea.

      I don’t actually know where the best donut is. I don’t normally eat donuts, since it’s not my favorite pastry. I would much prefer a chocolate croissant. Mmm, flaky. If you happen to find this rhetorical donut, let me know.

      Posted by Lingbo Li | January 26, 2010, 11:46 am
  4. And…where is this alleged Boston’s best donut?!

    Posted by Scott | January 26, 2010, 12:04 am
  5. Well, the two BEST donuts I have ever had were in California. One at a place in Oxnard called California Donuts – it was glazed donut from heaven – light, sweet, fluffy, delicious. And the second was from Bob’s Donuts at The Original Farmer’s Market at The Grove in Los Angeles. Near glazed donut perfection.

    And for the record, I’m not much of a donut eater either, but when they are good, mmmm mmmmm mmmmm they are GOOD!

    Posted by Scott | January 26, 2010, 9:24 pm
  6. can you write more about exercise and how you got into it, what your usual routine is, how to keep it up, etc. especially while in college?

    Posted by anon | December 12, 2010, 12:34 am

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Lana Lingbo Li

I'm a world traveler / enthusiastic eater who's now blogging and producing videos over at HelloLana.com. Visit me there!

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