Being one of those eternally single coeds, I prefer marriage to my Macbook (so reliable!) to the kind of productivity-killing commitment that a relationship would entail. Who needs love when you have like, blog posts to write and emails to reply to? All those hours at the gym and in front of the mirror are really for ME after all, not the male species.
I write this tongue in cheek, but there’s a grain of truth there, and probably for many Harvard students. Which is why I’m a fan of speed dating: going on 3-5 minute dates in quick succession in the hopes of maximizing one’s chances of meeting Mr. He’ll Do for Now. Awkward small talk lasts at most a few minutes, rather than over the course of dinner.
Charlotte went from "shiksa goddess" to converted Jew, just for Harry. Would you do the same?
Which is how I found myself at two separate speed dating events this weekend: a gender neutral Radcliffe Union Students (RUS) event and the Jewish speed dating event sponsored by Harvard Hillel.
The RUS event was less hilarious, more awkward, because I ended up dating:
- 6 girls,
- my gay best friend,
- a guy I already knew, and
- a freshman male who was passive-agressive hostile. Said with attitude: “Soooo. What about you would make me interested in you?” [cue sneer]
I have no issues with political correctness, but it seemed pointless to be going on speed dates with straight females who resented having to make small talk with me. And one sort of belligerent gay guy.
Pluses: they had a fruit platter! And pastries!
Undeterred, I headed towards Hillel to meet some Jewish boys the next night. My cred was enhanced somewhat since with with my Jewish freshman year roommate, but I felt very out of place. There were maybe 2-3 other Asians out of 30-50 females. After slapping on a nametag with a randomly assigned number, I entered the fray.
Snacks: popcorn, pretzels, mango salsa, hummus, animal cookies, chocolate covered things. Nice!
I spotted a girl I knew from high school. I was talking to two guys, and offered to grab her and introduce her to them. They said sure.
“Hey [girl's name]!” I greeted her with a smile.
She said hello back with the enthusiasm of a sea slug, refused to make eye contact, then took a circle around some other people to avoid me.
It reminded me why I always hated high school.
The speed dating then began, which was extraordinarily confusing – people eventually seemed to move at random, then they inexplicably moved half the group to another room.
Most of my speed dates were actually very pleasant, and everyone seemed very friendly. However, one guy moved to the opposite side of the room instead of moving to the next spot and talking to me.
Ouch. It’s ok – I get it, I’m not a Jew, a fact that was reminded to me when a freshman girl screamed, “You’re not Jewish? What are you DOING here?!” after learning of my non-religious leanings.
In my defense, I grew up in Westchester and attended my share of bar/bat mitzvahs. I also eat a lot of Chinese food. There have been essays written about the food kinship of us Middle Kingdom descendants and the Chosen People. Why then, couldn’t we share a speed dating conversation?
One date’s forehead glistened with sweat, and his rushed, semi-incoherent speech was accompanied by stiff gesturing. He was a math major from MIT – I asked if he did a lot of proofs. “This is not how I wanted the conversation to go,” he said, then immediately launched into a line.
A line! Seriously! When do you need to use a line during speed dating?
The prefabricated question was: “Who do you think lies more, men or women?”
This book is awesome, you should read it.
If he had been talking to a normal girl, this may have been vaguely intriguing. But he was asking this to a girl who’s read every word of Neil Strauss‘s pickup bible The Game, along with following some master pickup artists on Twitter and the odd blog or two. This question is often used as the prefab “opener” in approaching a woman – and he delivered it badly.
Was I going to call him out on it? I felt really bad for him. “Ummm, I guess women…” I replied. He threw out some theories that I also recognized from the book. I was still reeling from recognizing a line. He seemed relieved to leave.
After the event ended, it turned out that another Jewish friend had been asked for her number eight times. Eight! I had been asked once. I felt like a shiksa leper.
In the name of science, I marked off that I was interested in all 13 dates. I got emails confirming a match with 4 of them. Compared with my friend’s phenomenal success rate, I realized that it would take more than Jew-by-geographical-association to win over these men.
Conclusion: rumors of yellow fever are greatly exaggerated. (none of my matches have emailed me as of now.)
I guess it’s back to my sputtering Macbook. You’ll never reject me, right?
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Lingbo,
This was an incredibly interesting blog post. Kudos to you for your independence!
I don’t think I could ever to do speed dating for the same reason I could never go on a blind date. I need to know a person fairly well (or at least be comfortable enough) to enter any substantive conversation. Small talk for a short couple of minutes aren’t my thing, but I admire the fact that you tried it out for the heck of it (or maybe just for efficiency purposes- either way, your courage is admirable).
Anyway, I’m going to check out The Game- sounds like a good way to catch men in the midst of their tricks. Thanks again for the post- I always enjoy reading your reviews (esp. drooling over the photos) and following your pageant preparation. Keep ‘em coming-
- Lynne
ps. And yes, as a self-professed Mac lover, I agree that Macbook will never let you down :)
pps. Mindy Zhang recommended your site to me, so I’m not a completely random stranger. We’re both American exchange students at SMU.
I don’t know how I feel about you checking off “interested” in the name of science. I think if I was one of those guys interested in you back, and found out that it was essentially research, I would be upset.
That said, I did find this interesting. I wouldn’t feel bad if I were you, these are the small SELECT people who care about the religion of their date over their looks or personality. I’ve known a couple of people like that. It seems outdated to me. In any case, you have guts as an asian to go to this. I feel like there’s some kind of seinfeldian humor in that somewhere.
I’m an eternally single coed too that’s in love with my computer more than with most people I meet, so that’s what drew me into this entry.
Lingbo, always a pleasure to hear your take on college life, especially when so crisply written. Would say that you should stop by at the -other- Game (the one about football, rather than seduction) but I’m ah, 7000 miles away. I’ll eat some strange foods in your stead, I guess :)
omg epic FAIL @math major citing “the game”!
and the fact that he read it certainly reveals *something* about his character. mad sketch, yo.
Huh? No body e-mailed you as of yet? Maybe because they were shy. And i cant belive you read that book, I only made it 1/4 of the way.
dan
Well, since I wrote the post, I actually got two… but my point still stands that my Asianoisty got in the way of winning over everyone in the room. But again, that’s understandable.
Boli, don’t sweat it. Those speed daters are just intimidated by your beauty. Where in Westchester did you grow up?
In the northern reaches, in a town that is not even fit to be named because no one has heard of it.
Not necessarily! I think there is a definitely validity to the “game” in a more abstract way and I always enjoy talking about it in a meta manner with dudes, but I don’t really appreciate getting such a prefab line, obv.
Go Macs! And Mindy. :)
yes, but there’s def a difference between citing it as a social anthropologist and citing it as a, um, math major… not that math majors can’t be innocently fascinated by the psychology of seduction without having ulterior motives… but just generalizing here :D
[...] Lingbo does Jewish speed dating 11 comment(s) [...]
Hey, just found this here when i did an fast yahoo search. Fine site you got here! Keep it up!
The Game is a decent book, but it’s part fiction. The things to take from it is to dare pursue your passion and goals.
In the end, no matter your success, you will grow tired of parroting lines someone else thought up.
I’ve expereienced this too from the male perspective and you definitely nailed the experience.
Haha, it’s hilarious that you met an MIT student trying to run game. I’d say half are probably not socially awkward. Then the other half would probably happily talk about doing proofs after you started down that line of discussion.