Welcome to another day of hair teasing, fake eyelashing, and uh, sitting around.

A lot of being in a pageant involves two activites

1. Getting “ready”

• This takes at least two hours and 20 products and half a can of hairspray. Essential to the process is the tease-and-curl (not some crunk dance move) of backcombing strips of hair to create that 80′s mall diva allure. I failed at this for evening gown.

1. Waiting

• You watch other contestants stomp/sashay/stumble down the carpeted runway whilst the MC herds you along like the incompetent 14 year olds you are. Sometimes this is punctuated with “spontaneous” Zumba lessons, which are CLEARLY scheduled in.

Yes kids, I eventually got up and shook my butt as well. I’m no pageant killjoy. I dance backstage before we get on as well… this was particularly true yesterday as we waiting in our bikinis and 6 inch heels to parade about like a particularly well-padded dog show.

The closing number included a former Miss Connecticut singing “Turn the Beat Around” while we all clapped and tried not to fall over in our interview suits.

Speaking of the interview, it reminded me a lot of my speed dating experience, except it was speedier. We got two minutes with each judge. At least ten seconds was spent walking over and waiting for them to find out bio sheet. I accidentally frightened one by impatiently achievement-dumping him upon waiting for him to lcoate the bio sheet.

Me: SO LET ME GIVE YOU THE SHORT VERSION I’M A JUNIOR AT HARVARD AND I’VE WRITTEN INTERNATIONALLY FOR PUBLICATIONS AND I HELPED FOUND AN NGO —

Him: Ok. take a deep breath.

Me: Ok.

Him: What do you do for fun?

Me: I like to eat out. I ate bull testicles! And calves brains! There was a video!!!

I’m not sure how that went.

I chilled out after that and fared much better. Sometime I got annoyed that a judge used our precious 30 seconds to talk about themselves… because there was so little time that there was almost no time to even give my “I’m awesome!!” elevator pitch.

(And by awesome, I mean dropping the H-Bomb shamelessly. I may not have the biggest hair, or uh, biggest other parts, but my education is really old, pretentious, and expensive!)

The evening gown preliminaries went off fine, except some GIRL stepped on my dressed and ripped a piece of the bottom. It was sewn up by a chaperone, thank god.

The key with evening gown is to walk very slowly and evenly, as if you’re floating, and to radiate happiness and good will at the judges while keeping excellent posture.

I find out tomorrow during the final pageant whether I made it into the top 20 (possible!) or not. If I do, I’ll compete in evening gown and swimsuit again. If I make it into the top five (doubtful!), I’d have to answer an on stage question taken from my bio sheet.

Dear blog readers, wish me luck on my journey towards breaking racial barriers. I’m just a humble Chinese- American girl chasing this red white and blue dream. I’m an immigrant in a country built by immigrants. Boys barked at me in middle school – and it’s haunted me ever since.

You know, it’s funny that it’s taken something as shallow and somewhat dehumanizing as a beauty pageant to realize that I have many other excellent qualities other than my physical appearance or ability to speed date a judge. Like my ability to purchase stylish evening wear for only $45! Second Time Around on Boston’s Newbury St., baby.

Check it outtt.

Me and Dana, my fabulous roommate, last year's 2rd runner up!

I think I made a styling error in going for an updated retro chic feel with the red lips and hair – makeup and hair in pageantry follow a pretty exacting formula of soft mauve lip and smokey brown or purple-black eye.

Related posts:

1. Miss New York USA Day 1: Swimsuit Preliminary
2. Final show for Miss NY USA 2010 in three hours
3. Scenes from Boston’s Chinatown
4. An Ode
5. The Best Pizza in New York?