It’s really, really hard to be beautiful.

Let’s ignore so-called “natural beauty” for a second as a freakish genetic aberration  – which is its – since the confluence of genes and cultural values is not something any of us can control.

There are many kinds of beauty, and I’d argue that the beauty queen type of beauty is a pretty inhospitable one, an exaggerated, gay man’s ideal of womanhood. Different pageants also different ideals of beauty: Miss America doesn’t really look like Miss USA, for example.

The fact of the matter is, prepping for a beauty pageant is probably one of the most stressful, physically, and psychically demanding things I’ve done. Ok, so applying to college was more stressful, but it didn’t require the workout schedule or dieting, just a welling up of anxiety. The mundane nature of beauty pageant stress centers around a few things:

- Am I tan enough?
- Am I tall enough?
- Am I skinny enough?
- Am I pretty enough?
- Do I need better shoes?
- Should I shell out another $200 for colored contacts?
- Do I need a new dress?
- OMG I CAN HAZ WORLD PEACE?!

Thinking about such really inconsequential things is pretty taxing. So what if you have a paper due? You haven’t found the perfect pair of clear, 5 inch heels yet! (Just bought them, actually.) I have a sticky note on my computer with my chest-waist-hip measurements and approximate calorie counts of what I’ve eaten that day, along with reminders to myself in my inbox to buy superglue (broken earrings) and to go tanning. I still need a manicure. My heart tears up a bit every time I eat simple carbs. Etc.

I’ve been trying to do the two workouts a day routine, but this has proven pretty much impossible – I just don’t have any energy left over. On the plus side, that despicable practice of tanning has proven to pretty fun and effective at optically slimming the body. There’s just something about sitting a space pod bed of ultraviolet carcinogenic rays that is bizarrely calming and uplifting for the soul.

The first day of preliminaries is this Friday, so I only have to hold on for a few more days as I tie up loose ends. In the meantime, I’m exhausted! If you see me, feel free to give me a hug and give my stomach a poke – my abs have become a steel reserve.

Related posts:

1. The Beauty Pageant Diet
2. An anthropological view of beauty pageants
3. Not all beautiful women are stupid
4. Miss New York USA Day 1: Swimsuit Preliminary
5. Lingbo gives herself skin cancer, or, tanning is fun.