- Part 43

Not all beautiful women are stupid

By Lingbo Li ⋅ November 17, 2009 ⋅ One comment

Commenter LindaW replied to my “Why I’m entering a beauty pageant” post with this:

Please don’t prejudge pageant contestants, especially Tracey. I can tell you, not only is she absolutely gorgeous in person, but she’s also one SMART woman. A native Mandarin speaker, she also speaks perfect English. She went to college on a full academic scholarship, worked on Wall St., and is now studying for her MBA at Columbia. She’s also ambitious: she’s working to become a financial journalist. With her looks and brains, she could be the next Maria Bartiromo – the Asian Money Honey!

I reread my post and realized that my abstract musings on my childhood insecurities sounded an awful lot like I was bashing pageants… which I’m not! My somewhat irrational desire to become a Barbie doll, brainlessness included, is not to suggest that beauty queens are airheaded – clearly, many are extremely accomplished in their own rights, beyond looking pretty and knowing how to walk in heels. The point I was trying to make is that I sometimes wish I could shut my brain off and just enjoy life, without overanalzying things.

In the words of Barbie herself, “Math is hard!” (Or in my life, “Linguistic response papers are tough!”)

The treadmill is going to eat me alive.

Lingbo does Jewish speed dating

By Lingbo Li ⋅ November 15, 2009 ⋅ 25 comments

Being one of those eternally single coeds, I prefer marriage to my Macbook (so reliable!) to the kind of productivity-killing commitment that a relationship would entail. Who needs love when you have like, blog posts to write and emails to reply to? All those hours at the gym and in front of the mirror are really for ME after all, not the male species.

I write this tongue in cheek, but there’s a grain of truth there, and probably for many Harvard students. Which is why I’m a fan of speed dating: going on 3-5 minute dates in quick succession in the hopes of maximizing one’s chances of meeting Mr. He’ll Do for Now. Awkward small talk lasts at most a few minutes, rather than over the course of dinner.

Charlotte went from "shiksa goddess" to converted Jew, just for Harry. Would you do the same?

Which is how I found myself at two separate speed dating events this weekend: a gender neutral Radcliffe Union Students (RUS) event and the Jewish speed dating event sponsored by Harvard Hillel.

The RUS event was less hilarious, more awkward, because I ended up dating:

6 girls,
my gay best friend,
a guy I already knew, and
a freshman male who was passive-agressive hostile. Said with attitude: “Soooo. What about you would make me interested in you?” [cue sneer]

I have no issues with political correctness, but it seemed pointless to be going on speed dates with straight females who resented having to make small talk with me. And one sort of belligerent gay guy.

Pluses: they had a fruit platter! And pastries!

Undeterred, I headed towards Hillel to meet some Jewish boys the next night. My cred was enhanced somewhat since with with my Jewish freshman year roommate, but I felt very out of place. There were maybe 2-3 other Asians out of 30-50 females. After slapping on a nametag with a randomly assigned number, I entered the fray.

Snacks: popcorn, pretzels, mango salsa, hummus, animal cookies, chocolate covered things. Nice!

I spotted a girl I knew from high school. I was talking to two guys, and offered to grab her and introduce her to them. They said sure.

“Hey [girl’s name]!” I greeted her with a smile.

She said hello back with the enthusiasm of a sea slug, refused to make eye contact, then took a circle around some other people to avoid me.

It reminded me why I always hated high school.

The speed dating then began, which was extraordinarily confusing – people eventually seemed to move at random, then they inexplicably moved half the group to another room.

Most of my speed dates were actually very pleasant, and everyone seemed very friendly. However, one guy moved to the opposite side of the room instead of moving to the next spot and talking to me.

Ouch. It’s ok – I get it, I’m not a Jew, a fact that was reminded to me when a freshman girl screamed, “You’re not Jewish? What are you DOING here?!” after learning of my non-religious leanings.

In my defense, I grew up in Westchester and attended my share of bar/bat mitzvahs. I also eat a lot of Chinese food. There have been essays written about the food kinship of us Middle Kingdom descendants and the Chosen People. Why then, couldn’t we share a speed dating conversation?

One date’s forehead glistened with sweat, and his rushed, semi-incoherent speech was accompanied by stiff gesturing. He was a math major from MIT – I asked if he did a lot of proofs. “This is not how I wanted the conversation to go,” he said, then immediately launched into a line.

A line! Seriously! When do you need to use a line during speed dating?

The prefabricated question was: “Who do you think lies more, men or women?”

This book is awesome, you should read it.

If he had been talking to a normal girl, this may have been vaguely intriguing. But he was asking this to a girl who’s read every word of Neil Strauss‘s pickup bible The Game, along with following some master pickup artists on Twitter and the odd blog or two. This question is often used as the prefab “opener” in approaching a woman – and he delivered it badly.

Was I going to call him out on it? I felt really bad for him. “Ummm, I guess women…” I replied. He threw out some theories that I also recognized from the book. I was still reeling from recognizing a line. He seemed relieved to leave.

After the event ended, it turned out that another Jewish friend had been asked for her number eight times. Eight! I had been asked once. I felt like a shiksa leper.

In the name of science, I marked off that I was interested in all 13 dates. I got emails confirming a match with 4 of them. Compared with my friend’s phenomenal success rate, I realized that it would take more than Jew-by-geographical-association to win over these men.

Conclusion: rumors of yellow fever are greatly exaggerated. (none of my matches have emailed me as of now.)

I guess it’s back to my sputtering Macbook. You’ll never reject me, right?

Who moved my vegan cheese? – Peace o’ Pie in Allston

By Lingbo Li ⋅ November 14, 2009 ⋅ 4 comments

In my free time, I like to club cows and steal milk meant for adorable, doe-eyed little calves from their udders.

No. Not true. But I do eat real cheese. I have no qualms about dead animals and animal products. But I did, however, eat at THREE vegan places last weekend, with no morals attached. I’ll talk about one now.

So how is vegan pizza at relatively newly opened Peace o’ Pie in Allston? Suprisingly awesome, that’s what it’s like. It’s right next door to vegan powerhouse Grasshopper (which I also ate at) and it’s a small, brightly lit and cheery spot that has a sign declaring, “Please do not consume non-vegan food in here,” or something like that. I mean, is it really that offensive if I bring in a latte? Ummm. Ok.

The key here, kids, is that the crust must really hold the entire operation. Vegan cheese, no matter how artfully made, will never even begin to approximate the salty, gooey, stringy pleasures of the real thing. (I’d say this slice could use some more salt to compensate for the relative tastelessness of fake cheese.) Peace o’Pie, in this respect, wins. Their crust is on the thicker side, a good amount of pleasant chew and crunch in the crust, and has a rich, organically-made flavor all its own. I’d say it could be a little thinner and have a bit of extra sauce, to add some moistness to what’s a drier pie with the fake cheese and all, but very good overall.

Their cupcake was also a surprising win, made moist with pumpkin puree and Earth Balance vegan butter spread. The crumbs were all melding into each other in the most fabulous way, with a wisely small measure of frosting since the cake batter was so rich. Who knew that vegan baking could be better than the kind that exploits cows? My friend happily inhaled two.

Also pretty funky: instead of parmesean cheese, you get a shaker with walnut crumbs and nutritional yeast. It tastes terrible on its own, but lends a bit of extra flavor that helps spice up the (relatively inoffensive but unremarkable) cheese.

The food blogger’s guilt

By Lingbo Li ⋅ November 12, 2009 ⋅ Post a comment

I found myself last night hovering over a bowl of neon yellow, cake batter flavored ice cream. It was delicious, in an artificially sweetened, bizarrely colored, stale cake bit-infused goop kind of way.

This contrasted with my diet-approved dinner of spinach greens, tuna, an orange, and chicken breast.

I had wondered, back in the spring, what food blogging would mean combined with my type A sensibilities and brief aspirations of pageantry. As it turns out, nothing much really. The only thing that really changes is the conversations around my food and not so much the food itself (perhaps boding poorly for my chances). I just end up talking about my need to diet rather than dieting. I’ve never been one to deny myself anything. A little bit of cake can’t hurt! Sure, go for that extra bowl of soup!

And if you put something in front of me that I’ve never tried before, well, just hand me a bowl and spoon.

I had a great conversation over tea yesterday afternoon with Alison Cronin, the reigning Miss Massachusetts USA 2009 who is, contrary to any ditzy stereotypes about beauty queens, very friendly in an accessible, normal kind of way. She posssesed a wry, self-aware sense of humor and gave me a few great tips: speedwalking, wearing nude or clear shoes during the swimsuit competition, and figuring out my strong points.

As for her own diet and exercise regime before Miss USA, she describes it as a lot of light protein and veggies. “I ate a lot of sushi,” she said. “Sashimi.” And two hours of elliptical and speedwalking a day.

Well, I can try.